Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
