Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize