So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
