but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
