so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
