is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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