i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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