just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
