I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
