ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
