yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
