I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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