Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
