she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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