Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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