There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
