I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
