There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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