the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
