...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
