I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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