More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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