My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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