i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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