Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
