I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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