I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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