I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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