she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
