he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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