Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
