mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
