I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
