He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
