Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
