Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Your dad touched me again.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
