well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
