I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
