There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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