the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
