Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
