i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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