I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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