What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
