pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
