Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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