Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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