i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
