Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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