You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
