dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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