is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
