She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
