dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
