Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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