; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
