Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
