My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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