I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
