I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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