Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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