How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
