but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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