so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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