so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sober January is a disaster.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
