she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
