That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
