I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
