just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
