You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
