So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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