what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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